The Artemis Fowl Show 2
by Spectra16
Summary: Spectra16 gets peeved an seeks revenge. More randomness. You people seem to like that.


Artemis Fowl Show 2  
Disclaimer: Wazzup?!?!?! You'll never guess what happened to Spectra16. Well, since you can't guess, I'll just tell you. She keeps being put on probation because she writes dialect for fanfiction.net. It's against the rules. So, because she's so angry, she's writing the Artemis Fowl Show 2 in regular status because she's thoroughly ticked off with the system.  
  
"I threaten to change to Fan Press!" Spectra16 yelled. See? This is crap!  
  
Disclaimer: See? She's losing it! She decided to do this to take up room and to possibly make Fan Fiction even angrier! Anyway, since I cannot do any dialect anymore, I will just do my job. Spectra16 doesn't own anyone in this story.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Welcome to the Artemis Fowl Show! Second edition!" Artemis exclaimed.  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ! !" Spectra16 laughs out loud.  
  
"What?" Artemis asks.  
  
"This format is hilarious. I'm glad I was forced to change! Anyway, onto the show part, since I feel like being nice today, I read this really great story from a really good fan fic artist who actually likes my fiction! YEAH! Her fanfic name is surrealallstar. I just call her Mari because she thinks it's a good name to have, instead of being called and typing surrealallstar all the time. It just takes up a lot of time. So, in my gratitude, she will be put in this story. And this may sound weird but I had to include Nicole in this story after I had finished it because she praised my work too. "  
  
Artemis: Are you- I mean "Are you doing this to hook other people into being your fanfic friends? I know you do this to make friends, since you don't have any! At least, not since I, your beloved alter ego, came along." Artemis teased.  
  
"I owe all my hatred to you. And no, I'm not doing this to get people's attention. I just like to pretend I'm nice, okay?!?!?!" Spectra16 snapped back.  
  
"With an emphasis on "pretend"!"Artemis replied.  
  
"SHUT UP! I do have friends too! Unlike you!" Spectra16 yelled. (A/N: This is really ticking me off!)  
  
Artemis pouts and walks away. Nicole walks in.  
  
"UNTO THE SHOW ALREADY!" Author's Note yelled.  
  
"We don't wanna hear about your personal problems!" Disclaimer joined in.  
  
"I go to doctor Po." Artemis said, sort of adding in that he was a psychotic freak.  
  
Disclaimer imitated a Tellitubby, "PO PO!"  
  
"HA! All we need now is a purple suit!" Spectra16 laughed.  
  
"Am I missing something?" Nicole asked.  
  
"Missing is not the question. It is what is found that is the problem," Artemis said.  
  
"Yup. This is confusing me," Foaly clutched his head.  
  
"Oh I do thank everyone for inviting me!" Pegasus exclaimed.(See the bottom if you want to know who the added characters are. I got some e-mails for that last time.)  
  
"We weren't going to talk to you throughout the whole show. So, so, shut up!" Disclaimer screamed.  
  
"Who is our first guest?" Artemis asked, a land mark moment.  
  
"The person we all know and love, LEGOLAS!" Disclaimer teased.  
  
"You're a guy though. . ." Author's Note began.  
  
"I don't swing that way but can't I just think like I do?" Disclaimer replied.  
  
"I thought you liked me,"Opal Koboi asked, trying extra hard to seduce him.  
  
Artemis covered his eyes and said, "No that's disturbing!"  
  
"I never loved you!" Disclaimer shouted.  
  
"We all know that now. You love my pet goat!" Opal said and pulled out Cudgeon on a leash.  
  
Briar smiled happily and said, "HI!"  
  
"This is all fun and slashy and Spectra16 is probably going to get some interesting reviews for this but IT HAS GOT TO STOP!" Author's Note protested madly.  
  
"FINE! I love women. The end," Disclaimer sang.  
  
"Actually, you two would've made a good couple," Root noted.  
  
"Just so you could get Opal off your hands!?" Disclaimer yelled.  
  
"No, I was talking about Cudgeon."  
  
Everyone except Root yelled, "EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW! ! !  
  
In the background you could hear Root snickering.  
  
"What have we learned today?" Artemis said like a scholar.  
  
"Not much." Blue Yeti said as he walked in the door.  
  
"True. Anyone else?" Artemis asked.  
  
"Tooth paste is no good up your-," Mari started but was interrupted by Spectra16.  
  
"I don't wanna hear the rest of it!"  
  
"Neither do I." Nicole said. Behind the room, you cam hear Butler punching someone out.  
  
"Have we yet another intruder?" Artemis called out to Butler.  
  
Butler dragged in the body of Dan Rather and replied, "No. Media."  
  
"Don't hurt em'! He's my friend from school!" Spectra16 lied. Mari nodded.  
  
"That's strange. I thought you were a lot younger than 6,087. . ." Artemis joked.  
  
" I was kidding!" Spectra16 said as she slapped him upside the head.  
  
"Please don't hurt me!" Exclaimed extremely frightened Dan.  
  
"Yeah, spare him!" A/N chorused with Nicole.  
  
"Osama's the one we want!" Disclaimer yelled. Then Artemis looked up as if he had the best idea ever.  
  
"I know what we can do to pass the time! We can search for bin Laden!"  
  
"And what makes you special enough to think that?" Spectra16 asked with a bit of sarcasm in her voice.  
  
"I'm Artemis Fowl, remember? You guys listen to me because I'm smarter. Duh!"  
  
"He's got a point," Nicole said.  
  
"Whoa," Mari began.  
  
"I say we burn a small, uncharted island!" Pegasus joined.  
  
"That's just something you would do! That and trying to raise the dead with a bunch of Pokemon cards!" Spectra16 told him.  
  
"They're not Pokemon cards! They're much more!"  
  
"Oh yeah. Crispy Pokemon cards!"  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!"  
  
"I burned em' for you. Gotta burn em' all, you know!"Spectra16 replied. And for some strange reason, Pegasus ran out of the Fowl Manor, down to the nearest Kwik Trip; 5,000 miles away.  
  
"Now that he's gone, what can we burn next?" Artemis asked.  
  
"I say we burn Hogwarts!" Remmy looked back at them while he was playing NASCAR Thunder on PS2.  
  
"Don't be hatin'!" Harry imitated the guy on Malibu's Most Wanted. Disclaimer and Artemis left to burn Hogwarts.  
  
"I say, our next activity should be similarities between Artemis Fowl and other stuff," Nicole suggested. Artemis and Disclaimer ran back into the room quickly.  
  
"Big. . .three. . .headed. . .doggy." Artemis said, breathing as if he had been running for his life.  
  
"I found a similarity! Koboi and Kaiba. They are some how the same. They both are evil and they both probably have evil, possessed capes!" Author's Note yelled.  
  
"True. Does anyone have anything else?" Mari asked.  
  
"I'm evil and I have black hair, just like Eriel from Card Captor Sukura," Artemis said.  
  
" You watch that show?" Mari asked.o_O  
  
"Well. . ." Artemis blushed.  
  
"Anyone else? " Disclaimer asked.  
  
"I find Foaly to be a lot like Q from James Bond," Holly finally said something!  
  
"My hero!" Foaly said as he pulled out poster of Desmond Llewellyn and wipes away a pretend tear, " I'll always miss you!"  
  
"That's new," Holly said in mono tone.  
  
"So, I don't care for Artemis Fowl that much but, is there anyway that Butler could be compared to Toru from Jackie Chan Adventures?" Lola-Gurl, a fan fiction writer said. There was nothing but silence in the room. She then walked out of Artemis' house.  
  
"Yes, there is. In some way or another," Artemis continued. Then the telephone started ringing.  
  
"Oh goody goody! Our first caller!" Spectra16 said cheerily and picked up the phone, "Hello?"  
  
"Hello. Is this the Artemis Fowl Show?" the caller asked.  
  
"That title is a beautiful sound to my ears! Yes, what is your name?"  
  
"I'm Hayabusa uh. . .Smith. I have a question for Artemis Fowl."  
  
"This is he," Artemis said.  
  
"Okay, let's say I *clears throat* LUV your book and your show. Where should I send fan mail to?"  
  
"You can send it to Artemis Fowl Show at PO Box 342513, Beverly Hills, Afghanistan."  
  
Spectra16 whispered into Artemis' ear, "Where did you get that address?"  
  
"It's my locker combination."  
  
"But let's say I didn't want to wait for . . . a long time. Could I mail it to your house?" Hayabusa asked.  
  
"This is my house."  
  
"I know that! ! !" Hayabusa yelled angrily. He calmed down. "I mean, I know that the Artemis Fowl Show is aired in the Fowl Manor on the outskirts of Dub- I mean, at your house. But, what is the address to there?"  
  
"You know, whatever you want to say, you can say now. You don't have to waste time mailing me."  
  
"But. . .I WANNA KEEP IN TOUCH!"  
  
Everyone gasps loudly. Nicole giggles.  
  
"I'M STRAIT!" Hayabusa yelled into the phone.  
  
"Well, I can't have you mail me here. Perhaps at Artemis Fowl Show PO Box. . ."  
  
"Alright then," Hayabusa started sarcastically. " Let's say a trained ninja assassin is trying to kill you and they don't know where your house is. Could you spill the answer now?"  
  
"Well, why didn't you just say so!!!!???? It's Fowl Manor 735 Evildoers street, Dublin Ireland. Just take the highway from the Dublin Hospital and go strait for about 20 minutes. It's that easy."  
  
"Well, okay. Bye!"  
  
"Bye!" Artemis hung up the phone.  
  
The DJ plays a funeral song.  
  
"Well, I forgot I have to do the laundry. I gotta go! See yah!" Spectra16 declared.  
  
"Oh no you don't! You're staying right here!" Artemis copied her. (Quoting from the last show) "You have a show to air."  
  
"But, you just told Hayabusa where you lived! He doesn't like me much. He has a BIG arse sword. With the biggest emphasis EVER on the BIG!"  
  
"You've met him before?"  
  
"Sorta. He's uh . . . a friend of mine."  
  
"Some friend!" Holly said sarcastically.  
  
"He's a highly skilled ninja assassin. Cool, huh?" Spectra16 said with an innocent expression on her face. Everyone starred at her angrily.  
  
"You gave him my phone number, didn't you?" Artemis raised his eye brow, interrogation time!  
  
"No! No! You did! Remember, a few weeks ago? When you said, "Let's make a web site that tells all about whom? ME!" And you told me to put your phone number on there!"  
  
"Ooooooh yeah. I remember what happened when you came over that time."  
  
"MOVING ON! What next!? We could think of any other similarities. Anybody got some ideas?"  
  
"Let's eat chicken!" Opal yelled.  
  
"Let's make paper mache statues of Disclaimer and BURN THEM!" Mari yelled.  
  
"WHAT!?!?!" Disclaimer yelled in disappointment.  
  
"You know we only kid you because you're nice. . ." Nicole tried to make up for the joke.  
  
"And we only wanna burn a sculpture of you because of your bad jokes. . ." Artemis joined in.  
  
"Still, this formatting thing is a real pain." Spectra16 twiddled her thumbs.  
  
"I know! Let's go to the Fan Fiction Dot Net Headquarters and find Fido!" Mari exclaimed.  
  
Everybody left to go do just that.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~In Artemis' Garage~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Let's take the Royce!" A/N suggested.  
  
"No way! The Thunderbird looks better!" Disclaimer complained.  
  
"I want my Bentley!" Butler exclaimed.  
  
"What about the Lamborgini?" Spectra16 asked. Everyone looked toward her. Good idea. . .  
****On the Road****  
  
"Lamborginies rock!" Artemis yelled.  
  
"Butler! Can we stop at the gas station and get something to eat?" Foaly complained and asked at the same time. Butler pulled into the McDonalds. Why he did that and not into the gas station is beyond me. . .  
  
*****  
  
"I want peanut butter brittle chocolate candy and an extra large soft drink!" Pegasus ordered.  
  
"I want hot japeno pepper nachos with an extra side of peppers!" Artemis exclaimed while everyone drooled in awe of his extremely brave order.  
  
" I want five scoops of strawberry ice cream! WITH EXTRA SUGAR! ! !" Mari ordered.  
  
" I want a bottled water!" Remmy yelled.  
  
"I want some pizza!" Nicole shouted.  
  
" I want a cheese burger, the works, except cut the tomato sauce and a large fry and large Coke," Author's Note ordered.  
  
"I want a chili cheese dog! Extra chili!" Foaly yelled from the very back seat.  
  
"I want a chicken!" Opal yelled.  
  
"I would like the Mongolian chicken with soy sauce and a large pepperoni pizza." Holly demanded.  
  
"I would like 257 extra value meals," Butler began, "With a blue berry Sunday."  
  
"Your total, if that's what you would call it, adds up to a total that proves I can't count that high, $596,523,467,643,057,266,724,037,650,762 and two cents. Please drive through." The lady said. Butler did.  
  
"I guess I'm going to find some other type of living organism that has large amounts of money and knows not of me." Artemis thought to himself.  
~*~*~*~*~*~At Fan Fiction Headquarters~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Junk it. Junk it. Ooo. The Adventures of Captain Superumpit! More Harry Potter's fan fic. Junk it." Fido sat on his holy thrown and read the fan fic's that were currently coming in. He threw out every fan fic he didn't like or didn't THINK anyone else would like and the ones he did like, were made sure to stay up on his website forever. AND EVER!  
  
"Why must the numbers of Harry Potter fan fic be so huge? People, people, Harry Potter isn't reeeal!" Then it dawned on him that maybe that's why his web site was called Fan FICTION! Just then, a few strange beings barged in on him.  
  
"Sir, your security sucks!" Artemis pointed at him.  
  
"Guards!" Fido summoned. The guards came and grabbed all of them.  
  
"I was only joking," Artemis smiled.  
  
"Who are you?" He looked at Spectra16.  
  
"Who wants to know?" She asked defiantly.  
  
"I DOOOOOOOO!" He yelled in a booming voice.  
  
"Well, in that case, I'm Spectra16, pal. . ."  
  
"SPECTRA16? I KNOW YOU! YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC STORIES! I HATE ARTEMIS FOWL ALMOST AS MUCH AS I HATE YOU!"  
  
"Well, that's what writing is about . . . " Spectra16 gulped.  
  
" What do you think of my stories?" Nicole and Mari asked.  
  
"I think they are well-written but Spectra16 here is a lousy writer!"  
  
"Dude, ease up!" Artemis started.  
  
"I've heard enough from you, young man! I like you better slashy!" Fido said. Everyone gasped.  
  
"Slash saves' us all!" Blue Yeti came out of nowhere. Then he disappeared. Just cuz he can.  
  
"I know what I shall do. All of the characters may leave except for Spectra16 because it would be fun to throw popcorn at her while she's in my dungeon! AHAHAHAHAHA! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Great." Spectra16 said as she was carried off to the prison.  
  
"NOOOOOO! I LUV YOU!" Artemis yelled.  
  
"SHUT UP! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MALFLOY!" Fido yelled an slapped him upside the head.  
  
"This is all very pathetic. Fan fictions need help." Holly said, not caring about what was going on.  
  
"No! He's not the real Fido! I AM!" Another Fido jumped out. Then several other ones did the same. "I have gas," Foaly said, holding his stomach because of the chili cheese dog.  
  
Then Mewtwo was getting sick of this incredibly sad story being written and blanked everyone out and put them in the Pokemon world.  
  
0-0-0-0-08732-4816-756^&$((%#%#*$&@&#!@@!~@~(^%(&^(%^$#$@#!#^^@^  
  
"Wha- where are we?" Mari got up to find all of her friends lying on the ground in the middle of an anime cartoon.  
  
"I feel like I just got run over by an eighteen wheeler," Nicole rubbed her head.  
  
"Are you alright?" A boy stood over her, he had black ugly hair and a yellow thing on his shoulder.  
  
"I just said-," Nicole was cut off by Mari's screaming.  
  
"AHHH! DEMON RAT!" Mari pointed at Pikachu. Ash looked back and into the eyes of Spectra16, who was about to tap his shoulder.  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Ash screamed like a little girl.  
  
"What?" "AAAAAHHHHHH!" Both Ash and Artemis held each other screaming.  
  
*********************************  
  
A/N: Did ja' like the story. REVIEW IT THEN GOD DANG IT!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own this. Yeah. . .  
  
Spectra16: Here's the dictionary I promised you!  
  
*Spectra16's wonderful, handy little dictionary of confusion. . . . . .*  
  
Artemis Fowl Show 2- A show, made by Spectra16. Great. Just great.  
  
Disclaimer- A thing that Spectra16 has changed for the better. Traditionally was used to prove that you didn't own characters.  
  
Author's Note (A/N)- A thing that Spectra16 has changed for the better. Traditionally was used to explain an author's note.  
  
Spectra16- A crazed, evil fanfic writer. Hated by Fido.  
  
Artemis Fowl- A boy genius that is really fun to torture. Spectra16 has a crush on him.  
  
Nicole- Fan fic writer.  
  
Pegasus- One of the many weird characters of Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Legolas- Archer for Lord of the Rings. Heart throb but I don't like him THAT much.  
  
Opal Koboi- Evil bad girl of Artemis Fowl: Arctic Incident.  
  
Briar Cudgeon- With Opal Koboi but was going to betray her. Foaly has all the goods.  
  
Julius Root- LEP dude. Anger issues.  
  
Blue Yeti- Slashy fanfic Artemis person.  
  
Remmy- Alter ego of an evil friend of mine. Loves NASCAR.  
  
Butler-Artemis' bodyguard. And butler. No duh.  
  
Dan Rather- Anchor man for CBS. Met Saddam but didn't take it for the better.  
  
Mari- Surrealstar fan fiction.  
  
Artemis Senior- Artemis' dad.  
  
Harry Potter- fruit cake.  
  
Hayabusa- Dead or Alive. Awesome ninja dude.  
  
DJ- Plays music for my fan fic's. Talks only when he has to.  
  
Holly Short- Artemis' enemy.  
  
Malfloy- Harry Potter stuff person.  
  
Fido- Evil genius fan fiction dot net owner.  
  
Mewtwo- Awesome pokemon, Not that I like that show though.  
  
Ash- I prefer Trash.  
  
Pikachu- Demon rat.  
  
********After the incident**********(Stuck in a stupid anime world, full of demon creatures)  
  
"Is this Kamoozy?" Mari asked.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! DEMON PLUSH TOY!" Artemis yelled as he looked into the eyes of another stupid monster phenomenon from Japan. It was a Squirtle.  
  
"Chill out. It's so cute," Hayabusa appeared out of nowhere.  
  
"How would you know 'cute'?" Spectra16 asked.  
  
"Just cuz I would, okay?"  
  
"Who wants to play strip poker?" Nyghtvision yelled.  
  
Everyone looks away.  
  
"Alright. If that's how you feel."  
  
"Kamoozy! Oh how I love the KamOOOOOOOOzy!" Mari sang.  
  
"I wonder how Fido is doing. . .," Spectra16 began.  
  
"I wanna catch em' all!" Ash blurted out! Him, Brock (Blockhead), and Misty (Fisty) jumped in the air, doing the peace sign with their fingers. Striking a really stupid pose.  
  
"EEEEGGGGGGGGGGG THEM! ! ! !" Everyone yelled. They did so.  
And the world was happy. THE END. 


End file.
